The request from a young mother told a familiar story. Her sweet, adorable toddler was hijacking her nights—every night. To this two-year-old, bedtime was an invitation for hours of fun and games. She repeatedly climbed out of bed, and her mother, just as determinedly, put her back. My friend had tried every trick offered on mommy blogs and was at her wits' end. Desperate for relief, she reached out to me.
After a brief discussion, the young mother felt confident and empowered to implement a new bedtime routine that very night. She calmly explained to her daughter what to expect and prepared her for a new style of nighttime parenting. Astonishingly, she never needed to carry out the planned consequences. That night, her daughter quietly climbed into bed and stayed there the entire night. Though the mother had braced herself for loud wails and several exhausting evenings, none of it happened. Peace and quiet reigned in the house, transforming bedtime from chaos to serenity.
What had happened? Was it magic? A coincidence that her toddler suddenly complied on the very night the mother had steeled herself for a battle?
In truth, it was neither magic nor coincidence, but rather the reflection of a profound Biblical reality. From the beginning of Bereishit (Genesis), when God created the world with ten statements, the Torah (Five Books of Moses) teaches us the tremendous power of the spoken word. Human beings have the potential to shape reality with their words, to build and destroy worlds through speech.
This week’s Torah portion, Parshas Tetzaveh (Exodus 27:20–30:10), is unique—it is the only section from Moshe Rabbeinu’s (Moses’s) birth until his death at the end of Deuteronomy where his name is absent. Throughout Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy, Moshe’s name is mentioned nearly 600 times, making its omission in this portion glaringly obvious. Jewish tradition teaches that this omission was Moshe’s own doing. In Exodus 32:32, while pleading for the Jewish people’s forgiveness after the sin of the Golden Calf, he declared, “Yet now, if You will forgive their sin, fine; but if not, erase me, I pray You, from Your book that You have written.” Although God forgave the nation, Moshe’s words had a lasting impact—his name was blotted out of one section of the Torah, fulfilling the power of his own utterance.
A gentleman’s word was once his bond. Previous generations understood the inherent power of speech. Today, however, we are inundated with meaningless chatter. Words are thrown around carelessly, and as a result, we have become desensitized to their true potential. Nowhere is this more evident than in the parent-child relationship. Children, attuned to their parents’ voices from the womb, are exquisitely sensitive to their parents' words and tone. When children consistently ignore their parents, it is often because the parents themselves do not truly believe in the weight of their own words.
When the young mother explained the new bedtime rules to her toddler, it wasn’t the first time she had done so. The difference was that, for the first time, she believed her own words. She was prepared to follow through with her plan, and that confidence was conveyed to her daughter through her tone and demeanor. The child, sensing this shift, responded accordingly.
To raise children who listen, parents must first believe in the power of their own decisions and statements. A mother who doubts herself when she says, “Bedtime in ten minutes,” will communicate that indecision to her children. Conversely, a mother who confidently declares, “Bedtime is in ten minutes,” will naturally command compliance.
Parents’ words hold power. Children are inherently inclined to listen to their parents, but before they can do so, parents must first believe in their own authority. When faced with a parenting challenge, take the time to think calmly and clearly. Determine what you truly believe is the right course of action, and once you are confident in your decision, communicate it calmly and firmly to your children. When we believe in the power of our words, our words become powerful. A parent who values and trusts their own words raises children who do the same.
For more guidance on how to get your children to listen the first time you speak, watch Parenting for Children to Listen, my video presentation filled with timeless insights and practical strategies to help parents build their families with calmness, connection, and intention.
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