Turning Chaos Into Calm: The Value of Routine

A typical conversation with a neighborhood mom begins, “I don’t know how you homeschool.” She often continues, “My life feels upside down when school is canceled for snow and everyone’s home together. I can’t imagine how you manage that every day.” What she doesn’t realize (though I’m quick to explain) is that I too wouldn’t know how to homeschool if every day felt like a surprise snow day. The key to running a smooth homeschool is the same principle that keeps schools and workplaces running, routine. My new acquaintance’s children are used to the routine of preparing for and leaving for school in the morning, so those days are easier for her to manage. My children are accustomed to our homeschool schedule, so their days flow smoothly, even while they’re home. The difference isn’t in our children’s daily schedules—it’s simply the type of routine that each family has adapted to.

All families find that days and seasons which follow a predictable routine are easier than those with disruptive schedules. This is why holidays, as delightful as they are, can wreak havoc on young kids and why a child transitioning into a new stage of development often initially struggles. Children thrive on the security of knowing what to expect because it’s the same as it was yesterday and the day before.

In this week’s Torah portion, Parshas Beshalach (Exodus 13:17-17:16), the Jewish nation leaves Egypt after two-hundred ten years of servitude and finds themselves in a completely different environment. It’s no wonder that alongside moments of sublime inspiration, they sometimes fall to staggering depths. It’s not surprising that they nostalgically long for the food of Egypt, preferring the comfort of familiar routines to the unknown. In fact, of the forty years the Israelites spent in the wilderness, the Torah only records upheaval during their first two years and their final year, as they prepared to enter the Land of Israel. The middle thirty-seven years were peaceful and uneventful, but turmoil accompanied their transitions both into and out of the wilderness. In this way, the Torah teaches us a profound lesson about human nature and the security of routines.

Although the transition from slavery to freedom was a glorious gift, it wasn’t easy because change isn’t easy.  All people, and especially children, relax in routine and consistency.  Childhood itself is by its nature a time of growth and constant change which can feel unsettling without the structure of routine. Parents who create routines and structure for their families help their children feel secure, as the children know what is expected of them throughout the day. A child who learns through experience that toothbrushing directly follows pajama time will run straight to the bathroom without needing a parent to direct them. Parents who implement consistent routines find that previously challenging parts of the day now flow smoothly, and children who once felt on edge become more relaxed.

If you’d like to learn more about how to implement effective routines, check out Nurturing Toddlers, my comprehensive course designed for children ages 1-4, and also Leading Your Family to Summer, a video designed to help parents support their children’s transition from the structure of the school year to a relaxed and meaningful summer.

Leading Your Family to Summer

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