Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, is completely illogical. Every action causes a reaction, every decision has an effect, every deed is followed by consequences. A builder who errs while constructing a house doesn’t simply repent and return to his worksite the next morning to find the mistake erased. A poor financial decision can’t be completely reversed no matter how remorseful one is. It is inexplicable that a person, besmirched with sin, can repent and gain complete atonement on Yom Kippur. Repentance and the purification process of Yom Kippur are otherworldly, they defy the physical laws of our universe. (It is for this reason that Jewish tradition teaches that Teshuva, (Repentance), was created before the world. The process of repentance and atonement couldn’t have come about in an earthly paradigm.) Yom Kippur offers us the extraordinary opportunity of a fresh slate each year, free from the stains of our past.
In a smaller, but still remarkable manner, parents give their children a similar opportunity each day. Children (like all of us) inevitably make mistakes. Some are minor, but others aren’t. There are even times that children and adolescents cause significant pain or damage to their parents. A child, after an explosive tantrum or destructive episode, often feels shame. They may be appalled at themselves or feel unworthy of grace. The child’s salvation comes from parents who swallow their hurt and calm their own anger in order to extend a reassuring smile and an expression of love to their child. These parents offer the gift of Yom Kippur to their child.
This isn’t to say that a parent shouldn’t convey disapproval of misbehavior or inflict necessary punishments to discipline their child. Children need firm boundaries and clear consequences and they rely on parents to provide them. The grace of forgiveness though is equally important. A parent who restores warmth to their voice and a loving twinkle in their eye is giving the gift of Yom Kippur to their child, expressing unconditional love and confidence in them despite the earlier mishap.
It isn’t easy to smile at a four year old ten minutes after she woke the baby for the third time. It isn’t easy to offer a warm greeting to a teen who has studiously ignored you for three days. It isn’t easy to get on the floor and play a game with a child who just tantrumed. Yet parents reach deep inside their hearts, into reservoirs of grace and love, to offer their children the opportunity to move beyond previous difficulties and start anew.
Each time a parent warmly offers a fresh start to their child, they are emulating God in a profoundly spiritual manner. Parents partner with the Creator by bringing children into this world. They further emulate Him and His kindness by feeding, clothing, and tending to their children. Even more powerfully, parents extend the miraculous gift of Yom Kippur to their children every time they help a child move beyond past difficulties with loving acceptance, warmth, eternal optimism and faith in their child’s ability to grow and thrive. Lovingly offering a child the grace of a new start isn't just great parenting, it's Godly parenting.
Toddlerhood is a time of amazing growth and development. Join me next month to learn how to make the most of these years and raise your toddler with clarity, confidence, and connection. (Time doesn't work? Materials and recording will be emailed to all participants.)
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