When I was a young homeschooling mom, I would take all my children to the grocery store each week. Although they were energetic, lively kids and the aisles were narrow and perilous, with many glass jars within easy reach and tempting candies at eye level, we made it through each shopping trip calmly and without mishap or tears. What was my secret? It comes from the Book of Deuteronomy, Sefer Devarim, and is an easy, effective strategy for every parent to implement in their own home.
This week’s Torah portion, Parshas Ki Savo (Deuteronomy 26:1-29:8), opens with “And it shall be when you come to the land that the Lord, your God, gives you as an inheritance, and you inherit it and dwell in it”, which is followed by mitzvot, (commandments) specific to the Land of Israel. These aren’t new commandments. Moshe Rabeinu (Moses, Our Teacher) had spent the previous forty years teaching all the laws of Jewish living, including those that would take effect in the Land of Israel. Yet, as the nation stood at the entrance to the land, preparing to cross the Jordan River and start a new phase of existence, he repeated the laws they would need to fulfill while living in Israel. He taught these guidelines both in advance and immediately before implementation.
The lesson for all of us is clear: It isn’t enough to share rules before they are relevant, and it isn’t enough to share them when imminently needed, real leaders do both. If we only tell our children how to act at their friend’s party when the invitation arrives, they won’t remember what to do by the time they’re at the party. If we only tell our children how to act at their friend’s party as we’re in the car dropping them off, they won’t have time to process what we’re telling them, and they’ll forget it by the time they walk through the door. However, if we share guidelines with them in advance and again right before the party, we are setting them up for success.
Our shopping trip victories stemmed from the fact that we didn’t only talk about appropriate behavior regularly at home, but we also reviewed our family’s rules for how to behave in stores each and every week for years, in the car as we drove to the shop. By giving our children advance instructions including sufficient time to role-play, practice, and ask questions and by also reviewing our expectations with them in the moments before implementation, we are giving them the tools they need to behave appropriately in any situation.
Does this idea resonate with you? Would you like to learn more? Explore Biblical and developmentally based strategies for how to parent your children effectively in my video Parenting for Children to Listen.
If you are a parent of youngsters, join me at Nurturing Toddlers, my upcoming online parenting class designed for you! Early bird tickets are on sale through the end of September. Don’t miss out!
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