Parenting is one of life’s most challenging yet rewarding tasks and every decision we make shapes the future of our children. In the Torah portion of Mishpatim (Exodus 21:1-24:18), we find a powerful lesson not only for our relationship with God but also for how we raise the next generation. As Moshe is instructed to teach the Jewish people a series of interpersonal laws, the Torah uses an unusual phrase—"you shall place before them"—to convey a deeper meaning. This direction offers us timeless wisdom about the way we should teach our children, not just by giving them rules to follow, but by helping them understand the why behind those rules. It’s a reminder that the best way to prepare our children for adulthood isn’t always to expect blind obedience, but to also nurture thoughtful, independent thinkers.
Rashi (Rabbi Shlomo Yitzchaki, 1040-1105) explains that "you shall place before them" suggests that Moshe's task was not merely to teach the laws once, twice, or a few times, but to provide the Jewish people with clear and thorough explanations for the reasons behind the laws. When it comes to the laws in Mishpatim, it isn’t enough to simply know what to do; we must also understand why we do it. "Place before them" implies a fully set table, where the commandments are not only taught but explained in their entirety.
Interestingly, there is another category of mitzvot (commandments) called chukim, which are laws that are given without any explanation. These are laws we must follow even if we don't understand them. However, the commercial and interpersonal commandments in this portion of the Torah are mishpatim—laws that require understanding. As such, they must be taught in a way that ensures people grasp not just the laws themselves, but also the reasons behind them.
This dual approach—understanding some laws while accepting others without question—reflects the relationship we have with God, and similarly, it mirrors the parent-child dynamic. As parents, there are times when we appropriately expect our children to follow our instructions without explanation, and there are times when we share the reasoning behind our decisions, giving them insight into our thought processes. Both approaches are essential in raising children.
But why is it important to share our thought processes with our children? Raising children is a long-term endeavor. Our goal is not only to navigate the current stage of their lives, but to prepare them for adulthood. We aim to foster not only obedience, but also critical thinking, judgment, and the ability to make sound decisions. By offering our children a window into how and why we make decisions, we help them develop their own reasoning skills.
As children mature, they begin to make decisions on their own. However, they need to learn how to do so effectively. When parents share their thought processes, they model the kinds of questions and considerations involved in decision-making. This also opens the door for children to share their own thoughts and dilemmas. For example, recently, a children's book arrived as a freebie at our home. My daughter asked if she could read it. Although I agreed, I also told her I planned to give it away. After reading, she came back to discuss what she found problematic in the book and hear my concerns. This conversation gave her tools with which to evaluate her own decisions and choices as she moves into adulthood.
By sharing our thought processes with our children, we prepare them for the challenges they will face as they grow into independent adults—ultimately, the goal of all parents.
Beautifully written!