A Parent for Every Child: Embracing Growth on the Journey

Mrs. Henny Machlis (1957-2015) was a remarkable woman who, alongside her husband, Rabbi Mordechai Machlis, opened their Jerusalem home to hundreds of Shabbat guests every week for decades. With her warmth, unwavering faith, and love, she shared Torah insights with many guests and students. One profound teaching, recorded in her inspiring biography Emunah with Love and Chicken Soup, offers a beautiful reflection on this week's Torah portion, Yisro (Exodus 18:1-20:23).

Henny shared a fascinating Jewish teaching about Moses's father-in-law, Yisro (Jethro), who had seven different names and seven daughters. These seven names parallel his seven daughters, teaching us that each child brings out a different aspect of their parent. Each child stretches their parent in unique ways, challenging them to grow and become better for that child. No two children experience the same parent. We are constantly evolving, adapting, and relating to each child individually, and each child relates to us in a unique way.

When I look at photos of my family from fifteen years ago, I see a mother doing art projects, attending library programs, and playing outside with her children. I barely recognize that woman as me. I am a completely different parent today, not only in the activities I engage in (or don't) with my children but also in my approach to parenting. I know I’m not alone in this. Many mothers of larger families feel guilty that they don’t do for their younger children what they once did for the older ones. Alternatively, they may regret that their older children had parents who were inexperienced novices, while their younger ones benefit from lessons they learned along the way. Parents often find themselves feeling guilty for the differences in what they do for their kids at various times.

This Torah portion teaches us to let go of those feelings. Parents are meant to evolve and change at different stages of their children's lives. The seven names for Yisro's seven daughters reflect that each child has a unique parent, not a carbon copy of their siblings' parent.

Parents don’t need to be the same for each child. Instead, we should embrace how we grow, change, and adapt to each child’s individuality. We should rejoice in each stage of our children’s development, adjusting to new realities and priorities along the way. Even when it feels like we are giving less to some children than we gave to others, we can trust that God is providing each child with the parent they need, exactly when they need them.