Do you remember the game whac-a-mole? As moles pop out of holes in the ground, the player must whack them down with a mallet. As soon as one mole is pushed down, the next one pops up. Parents of young children have much in common with whac-a-mole players. They often spend all day running from one child to the next. As soon as they’ve changed one diaper, another gets dirty. As soon as one story is read, another is requested. As soon as one meal is finished, it’s time to start preparing the next one. When I was a mother of several young children at home, I realized that unless I consciously made efforts to proactively parent and raise my children with thoughtful intention, I would end up racing around in a losing game of parental whac-a-mole. I didn’t want to race from one childcare task to another. I wanted to be an intentional mother who would build a home and raise children with vision and thoughtfulness. And that is how my annual five step child check-in was born.
Every year I would sit down with blank paper and a pen and brainstorm for a few minutes about each child in five key areas: physical, emotional, spiritual, academic and social. Focusing my mind on each child one at a time allowed me to consciously be aware of how they were doing and what may be helpful to them over the coming year. This brainstorming session’s goal was simply to help me concentrate on each child and allow my new awareness to percolate in my brain over the following months. I didn’t let this session become overwhelming or a new to-do list. I found that the awareness, sitting gently in my consciousness, helped me make decisions that aligned with my children’s needs and appropriate goals for them.
For example, one year when I thought about the physical wellbeing of my toddler I realized that he struggled with fine motor skills. Ordinarily, I was so busy that I hadn’t stopped to recognize that I often helped him when we did crafts together or that he avoided certain fine motor activities that I had done regularly with his siblings. This realization was not a cause for panic or necessitated a call to an occupational therapist. It just opened my eyes to something I hadn’t consciously noticed earlier. Over the following months I made an effort to bring out the play-do, scissors, and crayons more regularly and lessened my assistance as he tried new things. I bought large, chunky crayons and waited patiently while he tackled buttons and buttonholes.
My five step child well-being session helped me become the intentional parent I hoped to be. Although my notes from each session often lay unread in a drawer for months at a time, I found that the brainstorming session powerfully impacted my parenting. I have always wanted to share this activity with other parents, and I am very excited to offer this exercise to you with a free template to guide you through your own five step child check-in. With the beginning of the new school year and a (hopeful) return to routine, it is the perfect time to carve out a few minutes alone or with your spouse to do this activity. To help you, I have prepared a chart with samples of questions you can ask yourself in each of the five key areas of your child’s wellbeing. You can download it for free below or at www.mothersguidance.com/shop.
Summers are often busy, chaotic times for families. Now that fall is on its way, it's a fantastic time to catch our breath and envision our goals for our homes and children. The five step child check-in is my gift to you to help you become an intentional, proactive parent for your children.
This is a wonderful activity for spouses to do together to contribute to building your parenting partnership. For guidance on how to communicate with each other and build a joint vision for your family, join my husband and Me in Parenting As Partners!
Super helpful! Thank you